just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
