You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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