also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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