My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
