Apparently you make a good broom.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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