So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
