Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
