I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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