I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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