Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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