I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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