1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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