I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
