I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
