M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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