I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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