I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
