He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
