and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
