I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
