We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her facebook's as public as her vagina
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
