I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
