i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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