We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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