well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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