its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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