So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
