I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
