So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
