Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
