If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
