Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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