I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
