I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
