she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
