1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
