You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
