Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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