the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
