just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
