dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
