I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
