Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
