suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
