I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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