either way he was missing a nipple.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
