Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
