Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
