Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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