Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
