I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
