Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
