who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
