No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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